uncategorized Moms and Daughters, Oye! (cont) | Better Way Moms
Today is May 18, 2012

Friends & Family

They’re a source of stress, a heap of love, and a board of advisors. And sometimes, our saviors.

Moms and Daughters, Oye! (cont)

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…they were married.

I am obviously having a little fun at poor Candy and Tori’s expense, but my quiz isn’t totally far fetched. If you’re a daughter or the mother of a daughter, more than likely you’ve had your fair share of tears over your relationship with one or both. No matter who you are, the fundamentals play a role in our relationship building with our kids. Our generation is the one in between for the most part. Dealing with our mothers and raising young daughters is often times a struggle. 

My relationship with my mother is, well…miserable. That’s right, I said it, miserable. Most of us sort of tip toe around this topic when a friend asks, “How is your mom?” The answer you get back is frequently, “Fine.” My answer is, “Fine, I imagine, I am trying my best to limit our conversations so I don’t slip and give her any sort of information that she might use against me later.” “Fine” is probably the best answer I can give so I don’t seem like a raging maniac and it’s obviously more popular than my response. None of us want to be the only one who has a troubled relationship with her mother. Well, guess what my candid answer has revealed over my adult life…I’m, by far, in the majority of women who keep the dirty little secret that our relationship with our mother is strained, at best, most of the time (and I’m being very generous with this adjective, strained). Why, why, why is this??

This woman who gave birth to me. She changed my diapers. Went back-to-school shopping with me every year. Was there when I graduated high school (sort of, after we had a knock down drag out fight about an hour before graduation started). Why do I want to strangle her now from time to time? Are love and hate so closely intertwined that it’s as simple as that? I love this woman so much that she has the power to get under my skin faster and more deeply than anyone else, so the hate part is unleashed? Is that really it? Or is it that she just can’t stay out of my business? Is it because she has a running commentary on my life choices? Is it because we were once attached by an umbilical cord and therefore she feels that entitles her to certain liberties in my life forever?

Wow, slow down there mom hater, we’re not all in your boat!! I agree. I think that in the majority of women I spoke with who are at odds with their mothers, I’m in a select club of women who are constantly at odds with our moms. We know who we are and it is a sad day when we realize that our relationships with our mothers will never be like the relationships we have watched some of our friends have with their moms. We all have at least friend who is really close with her mom. They have lunch once a week, they go shopping all the time, they never fight, they ask each others opinions, they don’t criticize each other and most of all, truly enjoy each other’s company. Those of us who don’t have that relationship with our moms are incredibly jealous and you are incredibly fortunate.

So I want to change the tide with my daughter. Break the cycle. Give my daughter the mother she will want to hang out with when she is a grown up. But how do I do that? Really, how? I love my daughter more than the air I breathe and it stops my heart from beating just thinking of us having a relationship like I have with my mother. My mom certainly didn’t set out to alienate me, so what makes me think I’m doing anything differently…(cont)

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