A Capable Day At Last
Today is a capable day. I'm sure of it. And actually, I really, truly mean that. I'm not trying to convince myself that I can "make it through the day" today. It ain't that day. It's an honest to goodness, get-up-and-go-get-'em day. I feel as though I can do it all without weeping at some point. Sunshine and optimism have broken through the clouds as last! I love these days! I've got a full plate, sure, but it doesn't overwhelm me too much and take over my entire sense of being. I'm not spinning into a helpless oblivion of things to do. I'm not thinking about how the looming economic crisis is impacting me personally or if a line of credit will one day be available for my daughter's college tuition. Or how I'm going to find a good public elementary school for my daughter, as I live in New York City and cannot afford private schooling. I do need to pick up some toothpaste. But that's OK. I can handle toothpaste today.
I have had several days in a row like this, and I must confess it feels wonderful. I'm responsible and relaxed and accomplishing things. My coffee tastes great and my daughter's tantrums are shorter today. I'm singing along to the radio and she is singing with me (though she sounds more like a cat than a person). This could be my own personal moment in heaven, and perhaps it is, but I know it's not permanent. I don't say that to be pessimistic, it's just a plain old fact. I know the craziness is out there, waiting to pounce on me when I least expect it. The next moment that turns into a molehill or mountain could drive me right over the edge. But here's the silver lining: been there and done that. I have experience with crashing and burning, shutting down and then going on autopilot so I don't have to think too much. But I did actually survive it somehow; I managed through it. And, that day is not today! Ha!
I suppose it might be interesting to ask the really deep, thought-provoking questions about my current state of mind. Why do I feel like this today? What triggered this positive, capable streak? Am I masking something with this newfound sense of optimism? I'm sure a shrink would have a field day with that (Lord knows mine would). But guess what? I'm not a shrink, so I'm not going to ask those questions. I'm going to ride this good streak as long as I can, surfing on being happy and capable. And it's OK if it gets interrupted, because like the ocean, the next wave will be coming along shortly after that crash.
Author: Amy
