Eating Disorders … Let’s Get Serious
I’m a mom too so I know, I get it. We all try our best. We love them unconditionally. We put in the time, effort and energy. And if we’re lucky, and most of us are in this regard, our little kids end up being pretty good big kids and finally pretty good adults. That being said, I’m hoping you will take the time to read on about something we all need to be aware of, coming from someone who is a mom just like you. Hopefully that alone will give me a little street cred?
Eating disorders — yikes!! This country seriously needs to get a handle on its eating. Most of our habits and perceptions about eating start at home and guess who is dishing out most of the meals — mom. We dish out actual meals, and mental meals as well. There’s research showing that moms are the single most important influence over children’s eating habits. Furthermore, Mom is actually the person children aged eight to seventeen want to be most like.
Here are some stats:
- One in five women struggle with an eating disorder or disordered eating
- 90% of those who have eating disorders are women between the ages of 12 and 25
- The most common behavior that will lead to an eating disorder is dieting
- 51% of nine and ten-year-old girls feel better about themselves if they are on a diet
- 81% of ten-year-olds are afraid of being fat
- 42% of 1st and 3rd grade girls want to be thinner
- Time Magazine reports that 80% of all children have been on a diet by the time that they have reached the 4th grade
There are many factors that can contribute to eating disorders which are not directly influenced by us, such as the media, psychological, genetic, certain sports and activities and social factors. But studies show that parents have a huge role in shaping our daughters’ views of eating, their bodies and their self-esteem. We need to play a conscious role in positively influencing our girls in this department and I think we are unconsciously influencing them every day, and more often than not in a negative way.
Let’s face it ladies, how many of us are comfortable with our bodies? I can tell you I’m not. And furthermore, I don’t have a single friend who isn’t on a diet, thinking of being on a diet, just getting off a diet. Or gaining back the weight from her last diet. Not a single female friend. So where were did we get this from? Hard to say, but there is a lot research that shows that girls who see their mothers diet and show concern about their own eating and weight are more likely to do the same.
Case in point, I was at gymnastics with my seven-year-old and I saw a mom with her daughter, who was probably about five or sex. She was innocently and lovingly rubbing the girl’s belly and I overheard her say "you’re getting a belly." Do I think for one minute that this mom had a diet agenda for her little girl? Absolutely not! But our daughters can hear these little things we say in ways we don’t intend. If a mom is always complaining about her weight and dieting, daughters learn that appearance is important and they file it away. This file could be filled with a distorted view of her own appearance.
I’m not here to say I can fix this problem with these suggestions. I am saying we need to be consciously aware of this issue. I think as women, particularly those who are now mothers, dieting and weight issues are a part of our vernacular. We don’t think about what we’re saying to or around our daughters. It's just a part of who we are — we breathe dieting. So knowing this about ourselves, what can we do?
First on the solution list is awareness. We need to watch what we say and remember that we are role models for our children. Sometimes we innocently send damaging subliminal messages to our girls about dieting on almost a daily basis. From the conversations they overhear when we’re on the phone with our friends to hearing us ask our husbands, “Do I look fat in this?” We’re probably not going to change who we are, so these conversations are going to continue, but our daughters don’t have to hear them. We need to eliminate negative discussions about food, weight and body sizes from our conversations when they are around. There are plenty of other taboo subjects that we filter from them every day. These should probably fall into that category.
Second on the list: self-esteem. This is one of the biggest factors in the mental health of our girls, and it’s crucial that we build them up on a daily basis. This should be a no-brainer for us moms, but it’s not always. We all get busy getting through the day and sometimes forget to take the time to say that little extra something to our babies that will make them feel good about themselves. That perhaps will make them stand a little taller and not care what the other girls are doing in school.
And then there’s the obvious: try to teach them good eating habits and have a few meals a week as a family. Offering them healthy food choices. I’m not saying don’t throw them a Happy Meal from time to time, just be aware of their developing bodies and eating habits. This can be hard. We have picky eaters, no time, no money, etc. But, it can’t hurt to have as many meals together as is realistic for our families. And it keeps the lines of communication open. The closer our kids feel to us, the more secure they are. Hopefully, some of the other stuff will fall in line a little more easily too!
Author: Shari Dabby
