Do You Know Where Your Money Is? Yeah, Me Neither.

Let me begin by explaining how truly uncomfortable I am writing this. It goes against every fiber of my being, but in our commitment to being real, honest and funny (hopefully), I felt that this piece deserved to be written, despite however queasy it may make my stomach. So here goes.

I’m a little funny about personal finance, and by funny I mean I’m completely and passionately in love with this area of life. So much so, I won’t let my husband near the stuff. He knows I always have our family’s best interests at heart (we always discuss any changes in strategy first), so he leaves me alone to do it. And I think he’s a little scared of my passion for it, which I’m okay with as it’s very self-serving.

When we first got married and joined our finances, I read everything I possibly could on the subject: how to plan for the future, tips for young couples starting out … the whole nine yards. I did read some books, but mostly found my information online. Online is free, therefore online is good. I created a monthly budget spreadsheet that was so precise and simple, it was a thing of pure beauty. I updated and tracked our  finances and long-term goals on that spreadsheet almost daily.  I was so proud to know where every dollar was going and how useful it would be.  I talked to my friends endlessly about it. They pretended to be interested in the beginning, and then grew tired of the topic (can you blame them really?). So, I bragged to our financial planner about it.  He seemed pretty impressed, which made me even more pleased. After all, he maps out financial futures for a living, and he liked my spreadsheet.  It was like happiness on top of happiness.

And so I continued doing my absolute labor of love, which never felt like labor in the slightest. We saved and bought an apartment in Manhattan (is was the size of a closet, but it was ours). We paid off all of our debt until we only had a mortgage. We had retirement accounts. All was well, and I felt like a competent responsible adult. More than that, I knew I was on my way to a good financial place and I would wake up smiling about it almost everyday.

When I became pregnant, and our planning/saving strategy switched gears. After my first trimester, I found out my company would be closing its doors right around the time I was due. As a result, my husband and I socked away our paychecks and we were able to save enough for me to stay home for six months (instead of the traditionally three months for maternity leave) until I could find another job. My family needs me to work, and I’m OK with that.

And then, our darling girl was born. And excuse the expression but as you know the *#$& hit the fan, some times figuratively and sometimes literally. Everything came to a screeching halt, and only gradually (very gradually) did I start to get the hang of managing my life again while taking care of my child (like showering, eating, and peeing). After the necessities of life were addressed, I figured out how to maintain other things (sort of), like getting haircuts and finding clothes that fit my new body that weren’t maternity clothes (had enough of those, no thanks). Most of the other issues in life also got addressed in time, but I’ve very sorry to say that my finances did not.

And this is where it gets particularly difficult for me to discuss. I just pay my bills (hopefully before they’re due) and that’s about it. I don’t track anything. I don’t look at my checking account. I don’t strategize for major financial issues as I should, like retirement and college and living trusts. None of it. Me, the girl who loves to plan, who thrived on financial organization not too long ago has no idea how much is where. If you knew me well, your mouth would be hanging open right about now. Trust me.

I’m pretty thrifty anyway as a rule, so I think it’s fair to say we’re not spending more than we have at this point. Still, I can’t tell you how uncomfortable it is not to know exactly where my dollars are. I just simply don’t have the time. I know what it will take to catch up and deal with all of this, and I can’t figure out where that time is going to come from. Should I not spend time with my daughter to accomplish that?  I only see her for about an hour an evening during weekdays as it is. And on the weekends when I do get the whole day with her, that’s what gets me through the following week of withdrawal. So I just don’t deal with it, and end up spending two minutes before dinner paying a couple of bills that are due here and there. I then try not to think about the rest, but I’ve learned ignoring it doesn’t work. It gnaws at me daily. I try to shake it off but to no avail. It was a problem I couldn’t solve, and would therefore haunt me.

I’ve chosen to open up and write this now because I think I’ve finally figured out what my problem is. Aside from just failing to deal, I have yet to transform this area of my life since I became a mother. Every other area of my life eventually got morphed post-baby: my work, my marriage, my relationships with my friends and family and my view of myself. I realized that none of it would be the same now that my little girl was in my life, and I figured out a way to renovate those areas to accommodate my daughter. Mind you, some areas are still a work in progress and trial and error ensues, but I’m figuring it out.  Except with this, my financial life. In this area, I’ve done nothing.

I can’t use the pre-mommy system that I built, that system that I poured so many hours into and loved. As much as it worked wonders before, it doesn’t now because I don’t have the time to devote to it. Or rather, I choose to take those hours and devote them to my daughter instead. My priorities have changed, and that’s okay. It’s time to let the old system go, remodel, and come up with a new money management system that works for my new life.  That leads me to feel like I’m in control of my financial present and future, and puts my mind at ease. So I’m off to see the wizard (my financial planner) and create a new money structure. And I’ll be chronicling here and sharing it with all of you.  Like Oprah says, if you find something you think is great, share it with the world.  I think it’s good advice.  She seems to be doing okay.

Author: Amy