Forgiving My "Out-Laws" Takes Time

I've been thinking about the relationships we have with our family members. Some are good, some are great, and some are downright horrible at times. It's not always easy to forgive our family but somehow most of us manage.

When I say family members I mean parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, siblings, cousins, and yes…the dreaded in-laws. Within my own side of the family arguments happen quite often. When this happens there is usually a big blowout. The people involved take the necessary time to get over it and then go about as if nothing ever happened. Apologies are not said. They are implied. Speaking again is saying, "I forgive you."

I find the harder people to forgive are my in-laws. I have even fewer arguments with them than my own family but the anger seems far worse. It’s easier for me to stay mad at them for a longer period of time. I usually get all worked up and my poor husband has to deal with my ranting. My frustration is not toward him of course. I also do not tell him he cannot speak to his family members because I do not wish to do so. That is his decision. Sometimes he needs space from them as well but he makes that choice on his own.

When my son was about three months old I had an argument with my father-in-law and his third wife. They refused to wash their hands upon entering our home. We had a very noticeable sign posted on the outside door asking all visitors to kindly do so. It was the middle of the winter and I didn't want my infant to become sick. My father-in-law had been over before several times and had washed his hands. He knew we asked everyone to wash their hands due to cold and flu season. I didn't understand why they so boldly resisted the request.

That day before they came over my husband and I went to get my car fixed unexpectedly. We had lots of errands to run not to mention the care we were giving our son. We were behind on our household chores when my "out-laws" showed up early. My husband and I were scrambling to wash bottles, feed the baby, and pick up the living room. My father-in-law and his wife wanted to know why we wanted people to wash their hands when our place was not clean. This really bothered me because I always tried to keep our home very clean for our son. Sometimes life gets you going in circles and cleaning isn’t your first priority.

Needless to say, there was more arguing over email and my husband took a break from talking to his father. Now our son's first birthday has come and gone. My father-in-law has not asked once to see his grandson even though he's spoken to my husband and we would have said yes. It is hard for me to forgive him because of this. He should have been able to put his feelings about my husband and me aside for the sake of his grandson.

I've been an extremely forgiving person all of my life. Usually, I take my space and get over my anger. It seems this time it's going to take me just a bit longer.
 

Author:   Victoria H.

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