Honor Lost

As you don’t know me very well, allow me to share an aspect of my personality with you: my word is rock solid. If I tell you I will do something, you can count on it being done in a timely fashion. No problem. End of story.

Now, let me clarify. It used to be rock solid. These days there are definitely some cracks in the foundation. There's a new chapter in this story of course. As a Mom, I've noticed that my word has waned a bit. I chose the word "waned" because even now, I have trouble accepting the fact that I just don't get to things I've committed to in the time frame I lay out. The intention is there. The good will is there. And still…not done yet. And it makes me crazy.

I personally consider my word to be one with my integrity, my honor. After all, if I consistently can't keep my word, what kind of person does that make me? Would I want to rely on me? Um, can I answer that question later?!

What I've come to realize is that as a mom, it is possible to keep my word — it's the expectation that I need to adjust. Sometimes I just can't operate at the speed of business. And that's hard to swallow, let me tell you. But it's time to accept this aspect of my new reality and realize that the former self-imposed personal deadlines I used to get a rush from completing no longer give me that high, that sense of accomplishment. I'm serving no one with them...least of all me. They are not my friend!

It may take me a little longer to do my to-dos but they will get done, eventually. I can continue to keep my honor and integrity intact — just on new "Mom-ified" terms. Incorporating an extra few days or a week on personal commitments to friends and family is OK. It really is. And I'll get to it. One day at a time. On my timeline!

Author: Amy