In Which I Get A Mommy Necklace
Of course I wanted a present. I always want presents. (You reading this, dear husband?) I just didn’t want a push present. Why the hell would I want something to remind me of 45 of the most painful minutes of my life? Of the "burning ring of fire," to quote my mother and Johnny Cash? Of the midwife telling me that I will "never look the same again" down there? A push present — no thank you. A little bobble to commemorate the birth of our first daughter? Absolutely!
Generally speaking, I like my jewelry to have meaning and a story behind it. (One major exception should be noted: diamonds. No history, no occasion needed. Feel free to send any and all loose diamonds you may have to me. I’ll take good care of them, I promise.) My wedding ring reminds me that I am lucky enough to share my life with my best friend. I have a gold necklace that was a gift to my grandmother from her mother-in-law. My father gave me my watch when I graduated from college, and I have a silver ID bracelet from my sister.
It should come as no surprise that within a few months of becoming a mother I started thinking about getting a Mommy Necklace. No, not one for the baby to play with while nursing — my daughter nursed for 45 minutes at a time. Nothing short of a Nintendo DX hanging around my neck was going to hold her attention. I wanted something for me, a tasteful collection of charms and gems that I could wear every day, a tribute to my connection to my daughter and my role as her mother.
But I was ambivalent about it, too. (No, not about the jewelry part. Never ambivalent about that. You reading this, dear husband?) I just wasn’t sure what people would think, what sort of message I would be projecting about myself. The accessories we choose to wear, along with our clothing and hairstyles send a message about who we are and what we value. Sometimes the image we portray is accurate, other times, well, not so much. For example, one might guess from my recent attire that I frequently do yoga with cats strapped to my legs. (For the record, I don’t.)
What does a Mommy necklace say about a woman? My husband was concerned that it means she has given up her identity as anything but a mother. Part of me agreed with him, and worried about this too. But part of me was tempted to point out that he didn’t seem to have the same issues when I wear my Star of David. If wearing that necklace didn’t turn me into an Orthodox Jew, why would wearing a Mommy Necklace turn me into an Obsessive Mommy? I didn’t buy it.
Still unsure what to do, I turned to my favorite sources of trusted advice: Facebook and Twitter. Not surprisingly, I got mixed responses. Some of my Mommy friends were all for it, noting that they either already had a Mommy necklace or were hoping to get one. One mother pointed out that she wears a wedding ring every day...so how is that so different from a similar piece acknowledging the other central relationship in her life? But there were also many on the other side of the fence, ranging from mothers who didn’t/couldn’t wear anything around their necks due to the strangulation risks posed by their young toddlers to mothers and non-mothers alike who noted that, well, it just wasn’t their style (to put it nicely) and that I might as well start wearing Tigger sweatshirts and purple pleated corduroys (to put it less nicely). Not much help at all.
In the end it wasn’t logic or advice that finally won the day. It was good old-fashioned self-pity. After an extremely long month of sinus infections (me), pink eye and ear infections (my daughter), and the stomach flu (my husband), I was done, and I wanted a present — something new or shiny to cheer me up a bit. Given that a new Subaru wasn’t going to drive itself into my yard, and I don’t think they let pregnant women get tummy tucks and boob jobs, the necklace would suffice.
Thus the search began. I started asking friends where their necklaces came from, and I found my internet searches to be a handy distraction from all of the work that was calling me. I quickly realized that there seem to be roughly four classes of Mommy necklaces from which to choose. First, there are the classic, simple, mass-produced types that one can find from places such as Tiffany’s and Blue Nile. These are lovely, and while they are on the higher end of the cost spectrum, they aren’t the most pricey. If you really want to shell out the cash for some high end personalized bling, that would land you in category #2, which is best exemplified by Heather Moore’s work. It’s gorgeous, but I found the options a bit overwhelming — not to mention the cost. For that kind of money, I could just about afford the new car after all.
Your third option is what I would respectfully refer to as "Not So Much For Me." Yes, I’m being judgmental here, but if you choose to wear a pendant with your breastmilk in it, well, I might just have to judge you for it. And yes, I nursed my first child, and I plan to nurse my second one. I am a HUGE fan of breastmilk, and have (inadvertently) worn it as an accessory more times than I like to admit. However, I don’t want it in a necklace. Also, as one of my friends so keenly wondered, wouldn’t the milk spoil at some point? Anyway, there are many pieces that I would classify as "interesting," "different," or "just plain hideous" but out of respect for my readers, I’ll let you make that choice for yourself.
Which brings us to the fourth and final category, and my personal favorite: custom-made necklaces available online, made by women, often mothers. I love the idea of supporting entrepreneurial mothers who are following their passions and running a business while raising their children. (Also, I haven’t got an artistic bone in my body, but I have always wanted to learn to make jewelry. I’m a bit jealous, to be honest.) There are a number of these sites available, and I will tell you about two of them that I particularly like. Lisa Leonard makes gorgeous, affordable jewelry, and she also has a Mommy/jewelry blog which reminds me that she is just another Mom, trying to make it through each day while running a business. As much as I love her jewelry (especially the From Up Here necklace, in case you’re reading this, dear husband), however, I couldn’t find the perfect piece.
I finally found my necklace on Etsy.com — an online marketplace of handmade and custom crafts. Lisa Ostrin runs a site called Under Her Charm, and makes gorgeous jewelry in a variety of metals and designs. Lisa is also a Mom, and she also has a lovely blog. She worked with me to design my perfect necklace, which I am wearing around my neck as I write this. My husband also had some input, and he loves it too. The necklace has three charms – a small sterling silver circle with my daughter’s initial on it, a larger silver circle engraved with the Sh’ma (a Hebrew prayer that my husband and I recite to my daughter each night as we put her to bed), and finally, a small wire-wrapped sapphire. The whole piece cost approximately $70. The necklace was custom-made by another mother, it’s beautiful and subtle, and most importantly, it’s me.
Author: Carla
