Information Overload

There is a lot of information out there about being a parent. A new mom, in one quick Google search can find everything she ever wanted to know about pregnancy, labor and delivery; and a lot of information she probably didn’t want to know.

It would seem to me that most of the parenting articles online are geared towards certain types of people. The people who like to be prepared for every contingency know all their options and everything and anything that could possibly happen during the nine months and unknown hours of pregnancy/delivery.

I am not one of those people.

I will admit I bought some books on pregnancy, breastfeeding and delivery. I will also admit to throwing those books across the room, saying a few choice words that my unborn baby - still without ears - would be none the wiser to and going to the kitchen wishing that bottle of wine was chilling for me.

I found in all the books, chat rooms and blogs a lack of resonance with the authors and other moms. I didn’t want to know everything. I want to approach labor completely ignorant of what those giant scissors are used for. (My working theory is that it’s to help the new mom cut the ribbons on all the gifts she receives.)

I don’t want to know about sits baths, leaking, clogging or that it may actually be possible to birth a ten-pound baby naturally.

I want to enjoy the time my husband and I have together now, looking hopefully, ideally and naively at the future of when our little one arrives. I want to buy pink teddy bears and write in a baby book all about how much I looked forward to her arrival. I want to prepare the way my mother did — by living my life and buying a crib.

Now some of you may be wondering about my lack of planning. As I said, I bought the books. Ok, I also threw the books but I also looked into classes at my local hospital...after all for a new mom there are tons of options on baby classes. For example there are Bradley classes. I don’t know much about him but he seems to have a good reputation. Since it was a birthing method I just assumed he was a masseuse or perhaps did reflexology but my friend who took the class just laughed at me when I asked.

There were very cryptic sounding classes that were just simply called "Childbirth Classes" that discussed recognizing the signs of labor, breathing techniques, C-sections, pushing techniques…I admit I stopped reading there.

I kept searching but couldn’t find any classes that discussed topics that were really pertinent to me and my pregnancy. For example there wasn’t one class that offer"d training on defensive moves to keep people from touching your stomach. There was no class entitled, “War Stories 101: How to effectively change the topic when a conversation starts out with, 'and at my 20th hour of hard labor…'"

I tried to find a book on breastfeeding and that was actually the trigger for my violence on books. I understand the author is educating and that there are a lot of people that want and need that education. I was looking for more of a pamphlet rather than a book. A sort of Step 1, Step 2 perhaps with a few diagrams. Instead they lost me at "liquid gold, bonding and mastitis."

I want the baby book our moms would have written that talk about "mother’s intuition," and how to give, "the look" that freezes a child in motion; the look that still works on me and my brother at ages 32 and 38.

I want to read the articles with sayings like, "he only had a handful of dog food so he’ll be fine," or that it’s ok to use Sesame Street so you can take a bath and down a box of Milano cookies.

I don’t want to be Superwoman.

I admit that I can’t Co-Chair the PTA, make three Halloween costumes from scratch (without a pattern) all while baking 300 cupcakes for a bake sale. I don’t want to tell other moms they are wrong because they used this diaper, fed their baby this way or decided to take the drugs that were offered to them at the hospital.

I want to love my baby. I want to make the best choices I can for her and do the best I can all the while knowing I am still going to make mistakes.

I want to discover some things on my own. I want to know myself what it felt like when I saw her wave at me at the first time on an ultrasound when she was only ten-weeks old, and how her daddy pointed out she looked just like a little piglet.

I want to learn my own ways of getting her to stop crying when she’s fussy, and I want to know I’m the only one who sings her that lullaby. Even if it the lullaby is the "Tequila" song.

Most importantly, I want to know, I want every woman to know, that we can do this. We can do it and we can do it our way. That no matter how you parent, feed, birth, change, sing to or educate your child that if you do it with love and in a way that is 100% you, there is no failing.

Author: Michele