Just Say NO to the Status Quo

I was talking to my mom recently about the current struggles I'm facing day to day: balancing and juggling work, my man, my daughter, and stuff to do. I highlighted how it's just not working and that I feel I'm not really "succeeding" at any of it. All are suffering in one way or another. My mom listened to all I had to say, absorbing each and every detail, and then quietly responded to me with this: "You know, Amy, this is not supposed to be an easy time in a marriage. This is just the way it is right now."

I was absolutely flabbergasted.Granted, I'm not expecting my life to be the way it was before we had our daughter. But the idea of "just skating by" like this for years on end is unfathomable. And that's what it feels like — just skating by. Barely devoting enough time to my marriage, trying to get the most of the time I spend with my daughter (and only half-way succeeding) and never having much time for myself. And this is apparently how it's going to be, according to someone that's already gone through it? For how long? Is she serious? When did this become allowed, let alone the norm, that we are all just supposed to buck up and deal with?

Quite simply, I refuse to accept the premise that "this is just how it is." I believe there is a better balance to be had. I believe I can create the time to be personally fulfilled and therefore be more present with my husband and daughter — emotionally and physically.  If I can figure out how to make myself OK, then I have more to give to them. It starts with me. 

Now, I don't have an exact map to get to this magical place, but I can literally experience the feeling of getting that peace, doing it for myself, and giving and receiving a quality of love and care that we all deserve. And, I am not willing to let that picture go. I am a smart, capable, driven, resourceful human being. Surely I can figure this out. Rome wasn't built in a day, and this picture won't be painted in a day either. But, I am confident that if I can take this one step at a time, slowly carve out time for me in my new world as a mom, I can create a life I want for myself as a mother, wife and co-worker that I’m proud of. And won't that be something!

Author: Amy