Letting Go
No blog completed, the house a mess of post Christmas decorations, client emergencies and family emergencies that were emotional and physically consuming, a modem that was not working, it all left my brain dull. I was just back from an early morning run, thinking I would spend the morning cleaning the sea of dried pine needles and organizing my life when the door bell rang.
Puzzled, I answered. Very quickly I realized, I had messed up. I supervise a colleague and we had rescheduled an appointment. I forgot to write it down.
There she was apologizing to me and asking if I wanted to reschedule. There I was, my messy house, dirty breakfast dishes, pine needle carpet, crazy post run hair and clothes... did I mention that my husband was in his pajama pants working at the breakfast table? I was caught completely off guard.
In that moment I did the quick assessment of how imperfect everything looked, including myself. I cursed myself for not being more organized and writing down the new appointment but in the end none of that mattered. My colleague was at my home and I wanted to honor our appointment time.
After my apologies, we went to work. It turned out to be a productive meeting. I was able to let go of my mistake and the disarray of my home and concentrate on work.
Later, after she left, I was relaying the story to a good friend and I realized that I crossed a bridge. I don’t know how I would have handled this situation five years ago. I probably would not have had the peace to accept it and the grace to move forward as easily. I was grounded in a more important piece of myself. I was solid even when the house of cards around me fell.
Letting go is tremendously powerful. I am not saying I am giving up on having a clean house and well mannered children. I am saying that on the days that my “A” game is nowhere to be found, I know it will be o.k. I am no less of a good person, a competent worker, and a loving friend, wife and mother when I make mistakes. I am not perfect, nor do I always have control over all the variables in my life.
The best thing I can do is grant myself grace the next time it happens and remember that I can survive it.
The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work on being yourself.
~Anna Quindlen
Author: Michelle
Michelle is a therapist in Arvada. She also runs workshops focusing on creating more balance and peace in life for moms. Her current workshop is being held at the APEX Center in Jefferson County. For more information go to www.thebalancedmother.com
