11 Days

That is the exact number of days one or both of my children were home from school last month. Sick days and snow days plagued us. 11 days, coincidentally, is also the number of days they were actually in school. How is that for balance? The reality is that last month was a lot of things but balanced was not one of them.

The first four days my oldest was home. I embraced it. I was flexible. Flexibility is key in motherhood, I know that. Things can change so suddenly and we emotionally do so much better if we roll with the changes and adapt. I made comfort food. I bought movies, a new game. I felt good about the time I was spending alone with my daughter.

The next days out of school were a double dose, both my children were home. Plans were cancelled... a lunch and bike ride with my husband, a night alone (no children), two play dates. Did I mention that it was also my fortieth birthday and our anniversary?

Flexibility dominated until the end of the week when irritation, impatience, and anger took charge. By the time we got to the snow days I was well past my limit.

I was in a bad place. The one where the whiny demands feel like nails on a chalk board. I wanted my space but I felt guilty for that at the same time. I felt like a bad mother. Baking banana bread, a smile and a hug from my youngest daughter, moments past, I was going through the motions and not feeling the joy.

We all get there. The circumstances maybe different but we all know those feelings and the place. So what can we do? We can acknowledge it. We can confront it. These feelings do not go away if we deny they exist. They can not be bullied into going away.

What did I do? I phoned a friend, I vented to another and talked to my sister. I was reminded that I was only human and patience can only go so far. I took some time by myself while the kids were playing in the snow with the neighbors. I recognized that even though I was not able to give all I wanted in the moment I was still giving to my children. It wasn't perfect. I did not feel great, however, I did get to the other side.

We all get to the other side. We may need some distance, some support, a break, but everything has an end and the moment will change again. In the meantime we need to give ourselves a little grace as we love our children and ourselves the best we can.

To give more grace:

Make a list of your strengths as a mother. Realize that just because you are having a moment your strengths do not disappear. You are much more than the bad moment.

Michelle is a therapist in Arvada.  She also runs workshops that focus on creating more balance and peace in life. For more information go to www.thebalancedmother.com

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