Memo to Moms-to-Be
When I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I immediately ran out to the nearest bookstore and bought a ton of baby books. You know the titles, What to Expect When You’re Expecting (I was told it was the bible of pregnancy books), The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy…etc. Along with the rest of my pregnant friends, I spent all my time pouring over every page, learning about weekly fetal development, placenta, how many pounds of amniotic fluid I was carrying, Lamaze or no Lamaze, breast-feeding and the importance of folic acid. I am willing to wager $1,000 that none of us had ever said the words "folic acid" before becoming pregnant, nor did we know how many micrograms we need on a daily basis or which foods are the best sources of this mystery vitamin. Yet, there isn't a pregnant woman out there who can't tell you this information at a moments notice.
When I was sure that I had maxed out my knowledge of pregnancy, I moved on to What to Expect the First Year. I figured it wouldn't hurt to get a jump-start on what to do with this little creature once she arrived. I was not the best student in school, so I was determined to make up for it by learning everything I could about this baby thing and prepare as much as possible before she was born. Our generation of women is fortunate. We are educated and we appreciate learning everything we can about whatever topics interest us.
The problem is, you ladies who are pregnant with your first child, lean in and read carefully; these aforementioned books are not helpful. I'm going to discourage you from buying them and from reading them and from re-reading sections. We all know the sections we re-read. The really horrifying sections about things that will never happen to us but we can't stop reading about. The same twisted reason we endlessly watch episodes of "A Baby Story" or slow down to get a better view of a car accident. But, even as I tell you to not read them, you will probably read them right up until the time your water breaks.
The books are handy to the extent that your pregnancy is precisely as described and your kids do just what the kids in the books do. Kind of like how learning Geometry in high school comes in handy only if you end up being a Geometry teacher one day. If you are one of the lucky few that fall into this category with the textbook pregnancy and baby who sleeps through the night when it is two weeks old, good for you! But you’re not reading this anyway because you are fortunate, blessed people don't need to read about the "real people" plight. And know the rest of us secretly hate you.
I'll just talk to those of us who are mere mortals. I'm going to tell you moms-to-be the rest of the secret. I don't want you to be blindsided the way I was, and the way many of my mom colleagues were. It's not what is in these books that is helpful, it's what's not in these books that is helpful. All you pregnant moms now innocently believe that you are prepared because of your diligent cramming. And that because you have read these books, you will not only carry and give birth to a baby, but if you read ahead like I did, raise a baby (at least through the first year, because you won't have time to read the What to Expect The Toddler Years after you have your baby). And why shouldn't you believe you're prepared? You did the legwork.
Hahahahahaha!!!! I can hear the roar of laughter from the veteran moms. We are not laughing at the moms-to-be who so naively think they are ready. Instead we are laughing at ourselves as we're reminded of a time when we thought we were prepared and how humbling it was when we realized that when we're in the trenches, we're winging it...(cont)
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