One Man and One Woman?
I have to think that, either by design or by evolution, Karma had something to do with the requirement that it takes two people to create human offspring. Congratulations, Captain Obvious, astute observation, right?
Yet as a society we have completely lost sight of this, and expend no end of resources battling the social issues that arise from the lack of, or loss of, family and family values...while doing next to nothing as a society to encourage "family" as a way of life.
Divorce is a wildly profitable industry. We spend countless tax dollars on damage control from the countless social issues created by broken homes. While there are agencies, groups, and organizations working to help us value family...it would seem the dollar value we place on divorce indicates we value that industry far more than we value (or are trying to build) anything that I could even stretch my imagination to call a "family industry." Disney World is an awesome place to go as a family, but it's not exactly designed to build the very families that visit. Perhaps if building families was more profitable than dismantling them, we could take some pride in putting a cash value on and in an industry that creates a greater good. As a divorced dad, I take no pride in telling you I could have put one of my children through college with the money I spent fighting to keep my children. Money I spent fighting to keep myself in my children's lives, all the while hearing that our entire society harshly vocalize so many of our evils are rooted in the lack of fatherly influences.
So nowadays we have lots of folks making a go of it a lot of different ways. We have men with children from different women. We have women with children from different men. And I'm not knocking, trying to diminish or in any way demeaning any of them or the lives they lead. In fact, as a divorced dad who really wanted a big family, I can't rule out the possibility I might one day meet Mrs. Right and have a few more young'ns myself. And as with all things we'll make the best of it, just like we have made the best of the "divorced/two-homes" situation. But I just doubt I'll ever see it as ideal.
Undoubtedly, there are many women out there doing a bang-up job of raising kids as single moms. I'd like to think I'm personally doing a bang-up job of raising kids as a single dad. We do what we have to do for our kids.
And I can't help but keep coming back to the simplicity of the basic design that created those kids. One man and one woman. Both female and male influences on the kids daily, under one roof. The example we set by showing our children how to be in (and the importance of) the very loving relationship that created them. Kids learn human relationships and interaction by example far more than anything we tell them...and no matter how awesome I am at being Mr. Mom and/or raising them in every other way, I am not setting an example of a loving and committed relationship simply because I'm not in one. And at this point, even if I do one day step or stumble into a loving relationship with a woman, that woman will not be their mother, and I fear for the example that would set for them. Yet the lack of that example being lived before them may be just as damaging to them. Maintaining a strong marriage and family is a struggle even for those who had great examples to follow as children. What chance do my kids have of achieving that if I don't show them?
And nowadays we have the Battle of the Sexes complicating all of the above. Men should do this and fill these roles, women should do that and fill those roles. As a single dad I can tell you I'm really good at lots of mom things, and I know sngle moms that are really good at lots of dad things. Personally I'd like to see more focus in meeting the needs of the children in the family, and less focus on whether "he or she" fills those needs. Personally I would have considered myself a very lucky man if I could have been a stay-at-home dad. I'm really good at it, and had I married a woman who was good at, and wanted to be in the breadwinner role...that would have been right for "us" and "our" family. Might not be for others. I wish that, as a society, we focused more on doing what's right for our families than focusing so hard on forcing this or that role on this or that gender.
My children are very happy, healthy, and well adjusted. We're doing just fine, and I think those who know us would not hesitate to call us a "nice family," even though for sure we are not what most would define as a traditional family. And that's the important part. But... one man and one woman. I guess I'm just old fashioned?
Author: Scott Rigdon
