Reflections on Being an Aunt

When I was introduced to Better Way Moms, I immediately began to send it along to all of the mothers in my life. I figured it was something they would appreciate, not really considering the content relevant to someone who is not a mom like me. However something unexpected occurred…in reading some of the articles, I found myself relating to the experiences and feelings of caring for others as they related to what I do every day as a psychotherapist and the proud aunt of an 18-month-old little boy.

This experience inspired me to write a piece which, like the articles I have been reading, extends beyond the concept of being a mom to simply being human.

I am not sure which came first, my desires to have a child or seeing everyone, yes everyone, around me having babies. I liken the scenario to when I decided I wanted a boyfriend and all I saw were couples, or was it the other way around….  

Anyway, I have come to believe that it's a combination of three events:

1) My friends having children
2) A natural thought for someone in her late 30s (I am not yet ready to say close to 40)
3) Living in Brooklyn where the mothership seems to have landed dispersing all of her pregnant disciples among the rest of us who are still in contemplation mode

However nothing could have prepared me for my younger sister's pregnancy announcement two years ago (with emphasis on younger and sister). I had no idea what my own emotional response was going to be like. Never in my life had I simultaneously experienced both incredible joy and profound sadness at the same time. And for months to come I would never know what situation might trigger the next emotional swing. One moment I would be incredibly happy, the next, securing my space in the next Lifetime for Women "movie."

I must mention that during this time, I sought comfort in all sorts of activities, some better for me than others. But it was my yoga practice, both on and off the mat which helped me cultivate the habit of spending more time living in the moment, experiencing gratitude for what I have and letting go of my attachment to my desires (I will probably miss you most of all, Scarecrow!). Not an easy thing to let go of, and trust me, it is with great intention and focus that I recommit to releasing that attachment each and everyday.

Then in February 2008, my sister's son was born. I couldn't recall a day when I felt so much joy and love. Very quickly my daily gratitude practice began to expand, including my sister and brother-in-law who with open arms encourage me to be very present in their family. I have watched this tiny baby grow into a beautiful and kind little boy and nothing thrills me more than seeing him laugh and play.

Well, perhaps that's not entirely true, seeing him light up and call my name (or some version of it) is pretty amazing. Today, instead of simply sitting in my own desire to have a child, I am more likely to rise above and consider what it is about having a child that is most important.

From this expansive view, I don't see what I receive but what I give and the unconditional love I have for my nephew certainly satisfies my desire to give……

So, it is with fondness that I will always recall The Rolling Stones in the 1970s as I made my laps around the Roller Rink but I beg to differ with Mick Jagger in that while it may not be in the form we expected, we can always get what we want. 

Author: Lauren Ginsberg

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