Talking About What's Hard Isn't Easy
"So, how do you like being a new mom?" I can't tell you how many times I've heard that question. I’m surprised I didn’t throw things at the person asking. It's infuriating. Now hold on, don’t get me wrong — the first few times I was asked, it wasn’t infuriating. It was sweet, touching, considerate. I was thrilled someone was interested in knowing. And at first, I gave a simple and crowd-pleasing answer, "So great! A lot of work but, you know, it's worth it."
Then, I started to get a little more real, "The weight doesn't seem to be coming off, largely because I'm eating my way through this depression I'm experiencing." Apparently, that was not what my audience wanted to hear. Because we’re all supposed to be fine right? Instantly. After undertaking practically the biggest change a person can make to one's way of life. WHAT!?! Are they crazy? Of COURSE I’m not fine. I’m a mess, barely keeping it together. How do you not know this? And how could you possibly expect me to be any other way?
After my internal rant subsided, I realized that the intention of the people asking is not to torture me...they are really and truly excited for me. They want me to be OK. And I want that too — we’re just on two different timetables. They want everything to run smoothly now and hey, it's a great idea. It’s just not going to happen in this moment. Or the next. Or the one after that. In fact, there could be thousands or millions of moments until it becomes pretty OK, day in and day out.
And you know what? THAT IS ABSOLUTELY AND COMPLETELY FINE! This is a valid, transitional life experience I'm having. There’s no need to cover that up just to keep the conversation flowing or because I’ll look incompetent. Someone else adapted to this perfectly? Good for them! I really mean that!
But that someone else is not me, and its time to give myself permission to feel and experience everything I'm going through — and communicate that freely as well. Because speaking what is really going on, the truth, is so empowering. I have been glossing over what's real for the sake of what will work in a conversation for too long, and it serves no one. This is who I am and what I'm going through, and relaying the truth about my initial maternal experiences starts here and now.
Author: Amy
