The Least Important Things

A few weeks ago, I was given an opportunity that seemed impossible to pass up. I was excited, happy, nervous and well, uneasy. Over the last several months, through some hard work, negotiations and good old-fashioned determination, I have started to carve out a schedule and lifestyle that is really working for me and for my family.

This new schedule is tough. It takes it toll on me, but I've been incredibly happy. I feel as if I have two full days for every one day of the week, but it's worth it. I've found a way to be in an exciting, fun office and be home with my children in time to make dinner, organize the house, work on Better Way Moms and be there for my husband.

Now, like I said, I'm exhausted. This is no small feat. In fact, I’ve actually heard myself say as I leave my office at 2:00pm, "I'm off to start my day now." Keep in mind, I say that after I've already been up for eight or nine hours and put in a serious day's work.

But there is another life that is waiting for me when I get home. I take my son to piano lessons or the dentist, feed my daughter (still nursing), get dinner started, answer Better Way e-mails and find time to work out.

And like all moms, I do not do this alone. I have an amazing network that includes my husband, my co-workers, my boss, a business partner, the nanny, my neighbors and friends.

For the first time since I've become a mother, I feel like I've found something that works for me. My son is at school for 90% of the time that I'm out of the house, I'm home before he wakes up from his nap and I only miss one feeding with my daughter. At the same time, "Career Sarah" is happy and fulfilled.

Then, this offer was handed to me. An incredible offer. The title is one I've wanted for a very long time, a title I wasn't sure I'd ever get. There it was, looking me right in the eye. It seemed to say, "Here I am lady. What are you gonna do about it?"

Then I would look at my kids. I looked around at the house that was actually somewhat organized, well, it wasn't a complete mess anyway. And my never-ending list of personal projects that was actually getting smaller.

My Ego: "It's right here. You can't not take it. This is what you've always wanted."
Me: "My kids. My family. Me time. These are important too."
My Ego: "Scarcity! Scarcity! I may not ever get an opportunity like this again!"

For two days, I sat in this space of confusion and conflict. Was I really that happy dividing my time like this? How important is an organized house anyway? I have a partner in Better Way Moms, surely she could pick up the extra slack, right? My husband would love the extra money.

But I have so cherished these moments in the afternoon with my kids. The extra play time, planning dinner, knowing where the bills are in the kitchen, sort of. All these things that I know go away when I work outside the home full-time.

The pros and cons were buzzing around my head like annoying gnats for hours on end.

Then, I called a trusted friend and family member. I had pretty much made up my mind not to take the new position, as much as my ego wanted me to take it. I knew that these moments with my children, and the foundation of family and relationship I am creating with my kids is where, for me, I wanted my focus to be.

You ever have someone say something to you that is so crystal clear that you actually pause for a minute? That happened to me in this conversation when she said:

"Don't let those things that are the most important be at the mercy of those things that are the least important."

And that was it. Decision made. Almost instantly my kids seemed happier, my husband kicked into full support mode and I started performing better at work.

The beauty of what she told me is that we all get to decide for ourselves what the "most important" things are. For many of us, that is our career. For others, it's our romantic relationships or friendships. For others, it's our kids.

And the flip side of that is that we also get to say what the least important things are. It's not that my work is the "least important," not at all. My work is very important to me, to my family and to the people I work for.

In this instance, the "least important" was my ego.

My ego would have had me take that job. I would have taken it to "look good," to feel like "somebody" and to prove to the world that I can "have it all!" (she says while passing out with exhaustion).

It would have been an incredible disservice to my employer, to my children, to my husband, to my household and ultimately, to me. I think I'm tired now? I laugh to think what would have happened to my level of fatigue if I had taken on the extra work, the extra hours and the extra stress — as much fun as I would have had.

We all get to choose, for ourselves and for our loved ones, what is important to us, and what isn't. We get to shed our concerns about what people will think about our decisions.

After all, people are judging us all the time anyway. It doesn't matter we're doing. How many times have you heard yourself say, "Oh, that's an unfortunate haircut," or "Wow, really? Those pants? Interesting choice."

Funny thing is, we always think we're the only ones making those judgments.

But everyone is thinking things like that all the time, about everyone. Including us.

So, as they’re already at it, we might as well do what we love and get judged for doing what we love. It's more fun to take ownership of life and choose what we think is important than it is to play it "safe." We're being judged anyway, we might as well make ourselves happy.

For now, I'm taking the two-days-in-every-day-exhausted-but-happy-mom-route. And that decision insures for me that at this time, I am not letting those things that are the most important be at the mercy of those things that are the least important.

Author: Sarah

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