The Truth About Pregnancy
I hate Heidi Klum. Except, I really love Heidi Klum. I completely admire her and love what she's doing with her life (and entertaining the rest of us at the same time) and how much she loves her husband and her kids.
But are you kidding me? Pregnant with her fourth child, she runs around like nothing is different, she's ruling the entertainment and fashion world, she looks like she put a very small soccer ball in her shirt and decided to go to work, in heels and short skirts no less. Whatever. And then my favorite, as she's on the runway in bikini lingerie eight weeks after giving birth, she claims that she's "just so busy" running after her kids that the "weight just falls off." HA HA. That's a lie. I run after my kids too — and that does not, in any way, prevent me from grabbing a donut while I run through the kitchen.
I know we pregnant women aren't supposed to compare ourselves to celebrities, but come on. I dare you to ask any mother if she knows which celebrities were pregnant the same time she was, and she can rattle of the names in two seconds flat. They're in our faces all day long, and they are always portrayed as the "ideal." And I really admire Heidi. I watch what she does and I follow her career. However, I find that I'm pretty annoyed that this incredibly beautiful and resourceful woman gets to look amazing even when she's pregnant.
I'm not one of those women. Nope. Not even a little bit. And if you are, more power to you. You are lucky and you should flaunt it! I know I would. But for me, no one has ever seen me from behind and said, "Wow, you can't even tell you're pregnant from back here!" Yeah, never happened to me. When I'm pregnant, I get swollen (like, I have elephant man legs and man hands), I get really sick, I gain weight everywhere (I swear, even my eyebrows look bigger), I'm grumpy, I’m uncomfortable and I really dislike every minute of it.
Oh, I know that we "forget" how hard it is (I clearly did or I wouldn't have done it more than once). But I remember during my first pregnancy sitting in my office in New York City and looking out my window at all the people below. Suddenly it hit me: for every person on the planet, a woman had to go through this. This has probably occurred to some of you smarter people already, but that was the first time I had this thought as I sat there watching the multitudes of people on the street below.
And I was suddenly really angry. WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME HOW HARD IT IS TO BE PREGNANT? Look at all those people down there! They all have mothers! Someone knew! Someone had a hard pregnancy! Why didn't anyone tell me?
Well my friends, I am here to tell you.
Granted, there are the Heidi Klums of the world, and women I actually know who love being pregnant. I completely get that. But there are people like me too, and I think it's time I tell this side of pregnancy. I know I'm not the only one.
Now, there's one other thing I'd like to say: as hard as this is for me, I realize that I'm incredibly blessed and lucky to get pregnant as quickly as I do, and to have such healthy babies and pregnancies. My griping is not to take away at all from the joy, love and absolute bliss that being a mom brings me. But I will say that the road to that baby and that bliss is not an easy one for me to travel.
Here's how it goes for me.
Before I even pee on the stick, I already know. My boobs are so sore, that going up or down stairs hurts. Walking too quickly hurts, the water in the shower hurts. Hell, even wind hurts. Did I mention my boobs hurt? The other sign is that I suddenly have a case of serious narcolepsy. Oh yes. Cannot keep my eyes open passed about 8:00pm no matter what I do. In fact (heaven forgive me) it even happens at work. There have been meetings that my body attended, but I have no idea what happened in them. There were e-mails I remember sending, but I'm fairly certain complete sentences were not formed. All of this happens about two days before I miss my period.
Then I have about two weeks to be really happy that I'm pregnant. My boobs are sore and I have a bad case of narcolepsy, but I'm happy. But after those first two weeks, I hate the world. I become completely apathetic, and I do mean completely. I can see 200 e-mails in my inbox, and walk out of my office without a second thought. I can walk into the kitchen and see a mess, and walk right back out without batting an eye. This is actually really hard for me, because as I'm sure you can tell, I'm quite a passionate person and I care deeply about many things, but not during my first trimester. And this makes me feel bad about myself, at least until even more apathy kicks in and then I don't care that I don't care.
Once the apathy really settles in, I get sick. Let me be clear about how sick. This is not the, "oh, my…I feel a little faint" kind of sick. Not even the, "man, I really need to lie down," kind of sick. No no. This is the, I'm sitting backwards on a speedboat in very choppy waters while I have the flu and food poisoning, kind of sick. The, I have zero energy, I cannot lift my head, my stomach is hot, everything smells, I hate everyone, why was I ever born, kind of sick. I don't remember Christmas last year, or New Year's Eve. I have no idea what happened on those days. Big holidays. I think I was on the couch, but I'm not even sure. All a blur.
To go to work like this, to function at all, is truly a miracle. Now, as I'm going through this, I really do try and look at the positive side. First of all, I get to have a baby, and that is a huge reward. Secondly, what my body is doing is an absolute miracle. It's something our scientists have tried to do for decades and cannot. And I get to do it while I sleep, while I throw up, while I doze through meetings and take care of my house (well, walk in and out of rooms anyway). So if I'm to be objective and take the incredible, most horrible illness and put it into perspective, I would say that it really is a miracle we're not all in a coma for the first trimester. The human body truly is amazing.
In addition, I will have to admit that I'm not pleasant while nature does its work. As I lie on the couch and feel guilty that I can't help around the house, and then allow the apathy to quell that guilt, I've been known to look at my husband as I lie there and say, "What? I'm busy! I made a nervous system today, and maybe even a spleen. What did you do?" Yeah, have I mentioned how incredibly patient my husband is?
Then comes the second trimester, the first half of which I continue to spend very sick. You'd think ...(cont)
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