Top 10 Things I Dream About
My morning started by waking up to a funny smell and a "pleasant" discovery of slimy dog diarrhea dragged all over my house by a crazy and senile cocker spaniel's paws. Beating the clock, half naked and blind without contacts I proceeded to step in some of it and then neurotically cleaning everything, while intensely gagging at the same time. Just before I contemplated of setting my house on fire, my daughter woke up in the mood to match the diarrhea in the plastic, tied up bag. She also felt the need to announce it to the whole entire block with the screams that can only be described as "heart wrenching." Dishes, breakfast, finding matching socks, 35 teary "Good byes" at the door, husband with the "burning eyes and throat"...I am off to work. Subway...15 minutes late, but I got a seat only to realize too late that the sticky wet mass on it was exactly the reason WHY it was empty in the first place. At 9:52am, sliding passed my boss 20 minutes late...I spent the rest of the day daydreaming about below.
1. Once a month, dropping my daughter off with a "Mary Poppins-like" relative and then picking her up at noon the next day. Sleeping in past 8:00am.
2. In the morning, leisurely having my coffee in a sitting-down position instead of standing and constantly holding it above my head while being attacked by a cute toddler monster.
3. Getting my haircut, feet massaged, gray roots colored...and any other service that makes me feel somewhat like a woman.
4. Watching something that doesn't teach me how to count.
5. Just once making it to work on time.
6. Having crisp, clean sheets like people in those "my kid is jumping on our bed while I am making pancakes in silk PJs" commercials. You know the ones without baby fluids and diaper cream stains.
7. After getting those magical sheets, creating "closed bedroom door policy" forever.
8. Having a cleaning lady who will also cook for us just for fun.
9. Getting my sticking-out stomach to switch places with my completely-flat boobs.
10. And of course...world peace.
Author: Ilona Siller
