Top 10 Things I Want To Do Well So I Can Teach You

1.  Speak French. 
Your entire face changes when you speak french. Your cheeks sink in, your mouth puckers up, and you purr like a little velvet kitten. And, you'll be able to order at a french restaurant.

2.  Dance.
I don't mean, "3am-just-finished-a-bottle-of-wine, Britney-Spears'-Toxic-is-on" kind of dancing. I mean the Argentinean tango.

3.  Play an instrument.
Something sad and beautiful like cello.

4.  Drive a car.
Man does your mother suck! There should be a national emergency warning when I am on the road. Thank goodness I live in New York City.

5.  Draw.
I am insanely jealous of anyone who can draw more than "Mr. Potato Head." No matter how creative I am in trying to draw a person, they always end up looking like a snowman or a lamp post.

6.  Cook with exotic spices.
Preferably something so exotic that I have to sink in my cheeks and pucker my lips to pronounce it. Salt: no; pepper: no; marjoram: oui.

7.  Fly a plane.
Yes, I know...for no other reason aside than, "How cool is that?"

8.  Public speaking.
I've always been able to deliver an emotional statement about something important to me. But I'm talking about carrying a speech "Barack Obama" style: composed, collected, cool.

9.  Be good with money.
I wish I knew more about 401Ks and investments...so our $20 savings could make its way from underneath my mattress.

10. Be an amazing parent.
The kind that people write Oprah about. The ones with unlimited patience, constant great attitudes, completely selfless. The ones that can keep you entertained with a piece of paper for an hour and sing you instantly invented lullabies.

Instead, you got me.

Author: Ilona Siller