When You Think You Have Kids Who Misbehave, Go To The Park

All three of my kids have been out of school in various combinations for the past two weeks. Mom is growing tired of school being out. Mom has been spending quality time with her kids which is great, except for the parts it has been really miserable and Mom has lost her voice as a result of these parts. I’m going to stop talking about myself in the third person now.

To recap, I have one daughter who is almost nine and Thing 1 and Thing 2 who are boys ages three and four.  Overall, I know what I have with my daughter; she’s basically a good kid. She talks incessantly and she interrupts constantly, but for the most part, I was dealt a solid hand with her. With that being said, her teenage years are going to throw me right to the curb and I know it, stay tuned.

The other two spend most of their time fighting each other or fighting me. They are fourteen months apart…no it wasn’t planned and don’t laugh it could happen to you. The noise level they produce often reaches epic levels and I sometimes am literally brought to my knees by them. Normally my daughter stays out of the ruckus, but when the Things get tired of each other, they drag her down too. It starts out slowly: "Wyatt, leave me alone," but it quickly escalates to her screaming at him, hitting each other is close behind, tears are inevitable and finally the little one jumps in to either protect her or protect Thing 1, depending on who his loyalties align with that day. Time outs, doors slamming, Wii taken away all ensue on a regular basis. And I sit with the same thoughts that I pray not only I have, "My kids are out of control! I’m an incapable parent. What am I doing wrong? Why does God hate me so much to give me these bad kids?" That last part maybe I should have just kept in my head?

Today we went to the park in a nearby town for a change of scenery and boy did it deliver. I normally don’t judge other parents based on an isolated encounter with their children (I’d like to say I don’t judge other parents at all, but we all do here and there and you’re lying if you say you never do). All parents have the day in public from hell with their offspring that you wish you could have back for your reputation and theirs.  But for purposes of this story, these kids were out of control and I’m doubting this was a one time thing.

My three ran straight to the jungle gym and after no time, my daughter appeared on the bench next to me. She was making a friendship bracelet and mumbling something under her breath. I assumed she was more interested in working on the bracelet than running with her brothers. I was watching 1 & 2 and noticed that they were trailing behind some older kids. They were about 10 and I wasn’t so happy about that. The best way to describe these kids was…um, well, future stars on a cross between “Jersey Shore” and a remake of "The Beverly Hillbillies." The girl had on a belly T with "Brother’s Make Good Pets" on it and skin tight jeans that showed her butt crack. Jethro and his posse were running around playing war. Throwing rocks and wood chips at each other and finding sticks in the shape of guns to kill one another. They were pushing past other kids and screaming at the top of their lungs. I looked around, fully expecting to find their mother on her cell phone or typing away at her Blackberry not realizing her kids were dismantling the place, but instead she was sitting on the bench watching them. REALLY? She was watching her honor roll students of tomorrow and apparently this behavior was A-OK with her. Parents like this fascinate me. Did she not see her son step on the two year-old girl’s hand and not apologize? She’s looking right at him. I saw it, so she had to. I don’t get it.

I started listening to my daughter’s mumbles as she was tying knots in her friendship bracelet, "Those kids are horrible, throwing sand and pushing the little kids down. Didn’t someone teach them how to play nicely?" I asked, "Peyton, is that why you are over here and not playing on the jungle gym?" to which she replied, "Yes Mommy, they are rude. One of them said 'A second grader coming through!' like there isn’t a better way to say that. How about 'Excuse me please, I’d like to get by you.' Like being a second grader is such a big deal anyway, I’m in the THIRD grade."  Wow, other than how many times she used the word 'like' I was impressed. Not only that she noticed the little apes bad behavior, but she actively removed herself from the situation.

Now I was trying to decide if I should pluck my boys from this Spring Break Suburban Bullies-In-Training Camp or leave them and talk with them about it later. You know, use it as a platform for a discussion on how they should NOT act. They weren’t really playing with the kids, they were running behind them, watching intently with wide eyes, soaking up every negative behavior in the book. Hard call, but the truth is, they are going to experience other kids acting this way all of their lives, so I decided to roll the dice and start with a life lesson today.

After a while, Thing 1 came over for a drink with Thing 2 following behind. I asked them if they wanted to play some more before we had to leave. Thing 1 is the spokesman for the pair and he said, "No Mommy, let’s go." This would be the first time he had EVER voluntarily offered to leave a park. I asked him why he wanted to leave to which he replied, "I’m ready because those kids are not very nice. They’re not playing nice games." I told him that I saw him running around with them and wondered if he was thinking about playing games they were because he and his brother fight all the time and these boys were playing fighting games too. He said, "Mom, Eli and I play fighting games like Super Heroes, we don’t play war where you kill each other." Not a perfect answer, but shockingly okay with me on several levels.

I must admit, I hadn’t given them enough credit. I truly expected them to come over and ask why it wasn’t OK in our house to play with toy guns after seeing these kids doing it. They actually got why it wasn’t OK without my lecture. Big day for me. I am really proud my three were the ones other parents there were thinking, "What good kids. Why can’t mine act like that?" Tomorrow, when they tackle each other on the couch and subsequently fling themselves onto the floor, cracking their heads on the coffee table on the way down, I will reconsider my smugness. At least they seem to have completed the first step in the 12 Steps of Acceptable Behavior Program which is Recognizing Little Monster Behavior. Now, only 11 to go.



Author: Shari Dabby