Get tips on how to create your better way. It's free!  

Given email address is already subscribed, thank you!
Oops. Something went wrong. Please try again later.
Please provide a valid email address.
Thank you, your sign-up request was successful! Please check your e-mail inbox.
Please complete the CAPTCHA.
Please fill in the required fields.

Sexism in Business

Sexism in Business

Me: “I think she should attend the meeting. It’s her product, her idea, and she got it off the ground. She should present the good news to the CEO in our monthly meeting. It’s a success and I want her to get the credit.” My boss: “Oh no, I wouldn’t want to subject her to that meeting. It’s just brutal in that room. Don’t worry about it, I’ll handle it.” Me: Stunned into silence. This is an actual conversation I had a few months ago. What made it so incredibly awkward, aside from the weird “I’m the big daddy, I’ll take care of the little girl” attitude, is that the person we were discussing was sitting with us. An accomplished, hard-working, talented employee. Sitting right there. A truly cringe-worthy moment. This is just one of many conversations, side-comments, and directly sexist experiences I’ve had being a female executive in the tech world. Sexism in our industry is rampant. I know, hate me for it, but it’s true. Being a woman in the tech world is tough. And not like a Barbie “Math is hard!” kind of tough, but tough because the sexism is so ingrained that it comes with the oxygen we breath. And it’s not just the tech guys, I’ve heard women from all industries talk about this. It’s not the kind of sexism we see on Mad Men, or the kind where rear-ends are grabbed or quid pro quo is standard…no no, not like that. The sexism we live with today is much more subtle. It comes in little packages like, “I’ll take care of that for you, don’t you worry.” or “I think her response is too emotional.” or “I like working with women, they don’t care about politics or climbing the ladder, you know? They have kids and stuff.” Or when the one female executive is left out the scotch drinking celebration in the CEO’s office. Just, not invited. A boy’s club to end all boy’s clubs. But we can’t react to it, because then we’ll be “too emotional” in the workplace. This pervasive sexism in today’s corporate world is what made Marissa Mayer’s position as Yahoo’s CEO feel like such a big deal to me. It’s a big deal because news like this is so rare. Women don’t “make it”, especially in tech, very often. And we really don’t make it when we decide...

Read More

When I Grow Up…

On future career day my eleven-year-old daughter decided she was going to dress as an architect, artist, writer, and lawyer. I’m proud to be raising a multi-tasking free spirit. But when she told me that the other job she wanted was “mother,” I couldn’t help but blurt out, “That’s not a job.” Since when did becoming a mother become a career choice instead of a life choice? There is no job description, you don’t get hired, and there is no income potential. Isn’t it a role we play, like wife, sister, and daughter? One girl only picked being a Mommy for career day. I asked my daughter, “What did she wear?” Really, what does a Mom wear to work (something stained in my experience). My daughter only noticed the accessories – American Girl Bitty Babies. I wanted to ask my daughter how many boys picked being a father for career day. Another friend of mine pointed out that the word MOTHERHOOD implies something more than a career. We don’t call it lawyerhood or architecthood. To me motherhood — just seems bigger somehow.  I would never say my career is being a daughter, wife or a sister.  I love people’s stories and often that includes what they do – not necessarily in their jobs but what they actually do. I always ask women, “Do you work outside the home?” Perhaps if you see a career as a calling motherhood is aptly called a career.  But do we negate the generations of mothers who came before us as “less than” because their motherhood wasn’t characterized as a career choice but as something they just did, “naturally.” If motherhood was listed on Monster.com as a job think of the possibilities. Would you have to interview to see if you were qualified (actually this may not be a bad idea)? And who would do the interviewing? The job descriptions? The salary negotiations? Think of the consultants (actually they already exist don’t they?). When I was a kid, I never even thought I’d be a mother. I didn’t even like other people’s children. I wasn’t even sure after I got married if I wanted children. But now that I have children in my view they are not something I DO, but a precious relationship and responsibility that I strive to handle with care and with grace (not always realized but always aspired for).  I want...

Read More

Negotiation Lessons for Moms and Mom Entrepreneurs

If you are like me you probably negotiate more times in a day than you can count. With your child: Eat three more bites and you can have a cookie. With your spouse or ex: I’ll drop the kids off tomorrow if you can take Billy to practice Wednesday? With your boss: I need to leave early for Emma’s holiday lunch, but I can finish this report after the kids go to bed. Often negotiations feel like a lose-win or a lose-lose deal, but they don’t have to. Last February I was battling my four-year-old on who would be invited to his birthday party and where it would be held. As a working mom, I am lucky that budget wasn’t a major consideration, but simplicity was. I agreed to let him invite his preschool class. Then I gave him a choice of locations to choose from, purposely excluding our home. He chose…our home. To make matters worse, he still wanted to invite his entire class. Not only would this certainly result in collateral damage to my house, but it would also mean that I’d have to spend all my time entertaining complete strangers, rather than visiting with close family and friends who I actually enjoy entertaining in my home. My options were: 1. Have the party at our home and invite the entire class (lose-win) 2. Refuse his request (not an option as a guilt-ridden working mom) and insist we limit the guest list or change the location (win-lose) I had to come up with some alternative he would agree to. As a sales manager in my day job, I attended a two-day negotiation course that week. The most valuable thing I learned is that the key to negotiating is creating a win-win. The way to accomplish this is by “expanding the pie.” This means that rather than arguing over a fixed pool of negotiable items, put more options on the table. I thought about the birthday party during my drive home and I came up with a third option to my dilemma: 3. Have the party at home without the classmates, and give him a second “party” at school by taking cupcakes in to his class on his actual birthday. He bit, hook, line, and cupcake. He was thrilled and so was I. And it cost far less than including all those kids in the original party. I...

Read More

Is Your Ambition On Pause?

I’ve always been able to get pretty good jobs: I’m smart, articulate, I have a strong work ethic, take initiative, I’m a pretty good problem solver and a team player, and I’m willing to lead with or without a title. Despite the hard work I put in, I still found myself in a job that was unfulfilling and that failed to provide the challenge and opportunity I sought. It was a pretty good job, but I was just bored. I wanted more; I knew that – I just had no clue of how to get it. Have you ever been in that place? Or maybe you are there now. As a working mother, and definitely as a single mother, there is every excuse as to why our ambition gets put on pause: We are doing everything by ourselves, there’s not enough time, money, support, _______ you fill in the blank. But the excuses don’t stop our heart from wanting. There’s a proverb that says, “a dream deferred makes the heart sick.” It is unhealthy to put off and dismiss the things your heart wants — regardless of the reason. I’ve often wondered if the reason so many of us are depressed or tired is that we expend so much energy masking and burying our true desires so we can get through the day; a seemingly endless grind that requires less and less of our true brilliance. Here’s the first move I made once I reconnected with my own ambition: I read (or should I say studied) Barbara Stanny’s Secrets of Six-Figure Women. One of the first ideas from this book that caught my attention was the reason why most women don’t earn six figures. It wasn’t education, lack of role models, or lack of skills. According to Stanny, most women don’t earn six figures because they don’t think they can. It simply never crosses their minds. Four years after I first read Secrets of Six-Figure Women, I had worked my way to earning six figures. This book changed my mind, and once I began to think differently I began to “do” differently. And wouldn’t you know it — I got different and better results. I share this story not because I want to flaunt or brag (although a little bragging does a girl good every now and then); I share it because it is true. I lived and worked...

Read More

The World Will Be Saved by The Western Woman

The World Will Be Saved by The Western Woman

As many of you may have heard by now, at the recent, sold-out Peace Summit in Vancouver, His Holiness, the Dalai Lama, made a proclamation that has surprised many people: “The world will be saved by the western woman.” When I first heard this, I was proud and stunned at the same time. The stunned part lasted for about two minutes. And then, the more I thought about it, I found myself nodding my head and thinking, “Yeah, that make sense.” I had an overwhelming urge to make sure I passed the quotation along to as many people as I could. Not because I think we’re “special” or “better” or anything like that. But I’ve been watching us over the last few years and I have never seen such ingenuity, promise, dedication, hard work and passion in my life. Women are starting businesses, they’re figuring out how to work at home and provide for the family financially as well as emotionally. Women are going back to school in record numbers, and companies founded by women are popping up and succeeding. All of this is great, but there is something besides financial, or even personal, gain that’s behind all of these new ventures. Women have a profound desire to make the world a better place. As Amy and I started and built this website, I have been touched by how many other female entrepreneurs have stepped up and asked how they can help. I’m not surprised by it, I’ve worked with women who started their own gigs before, but I am continually moved by the depth and passion of our generosity with each other. Over the last few weeks, Amy and I have been restructuring our work lives so we can create our home and personal lives to match what we want. There have been a lot of phone calls, discussions and growth for both of us. And at the end of the day — I’ve been beyond impressed with what we’ve been able to accomplish. I’ll spare you the details, but the results we’ve both been able to produce have furthered my belief that the Dalai Lama is right. I don’t say this just because we all happen to be in the demographic he’s talking about (though it makes me really happy). But as I’ve been interviewing very powerful women in corporate America and I’ve been speaking with moms who...

Read More

Moms and the Honeybee

Moms and the Honeybee

Moms are like the honeybee. Um what? Allow me to explain. We all know that moms have the most important job out there.  When kids act up, people don’t say, “Where is that child’s father?” or “Where is your nanny?” No, they say, “Where is your mother?” What does every psychiatrist in the movies, jokes or TV say first: “Tell me about your mother.” Moms raise people. Human beings that grow up and have the ability to contribute to society, or become a menace to it.  All of that is up to us (no pressure or anything). Which brings me back to the honeybee. While just doing its “job,” gathering pollen to bring back to the hive for honey production, the honeybee performs one of the most crucial jobs on our planet. The honeybee, as a side effect or doing its “job,” cross-pollinates our plants. This allows the plants to grow, flourish and in many cases, provide a very necessary and major food supply for you and me. See, the honeybee is just doing its job. And by playing its role, by fulfilling its purpose, it naturally provides a very necessary function to everything it touches. In fact, when it doesn’t or can’t do its job, the effects are quite devastating. We all know that the effects of a mom not being able to do her job are quite devastating too. As we raise our kids, we are doing our “job” as mom. We are loving our children and fulfilling our own purpose at the same time. By doing so, we end up raising future doctors, teachers, presidents, analysts and entrepreneurs. We don’t know how many people our children will affect in their lives, how many people they will help, raise, lead or support. The more we give of ourselves to them, the bigger the effect they will have. The more focused and driven we are as moms, the more we allow our children and others to do the same. Much like the honeybee. The more mojo the honeybee has, the more plants and flowers it helps grow. The honey is a great bonus too. For moms, the more mojo we have, the more our children get to learn from us, the more they flourish in our love and the more people they can touch as they grow. But like I said, no pressure… Author:...

Read More