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Top 10 Ways To Recognize The Worst Tantrum Of Your Life

Top 10 Ways To Recognize The Worst Tantrum Of Your Life

1. You attempt to pad the “tantrum space” psychiatric asylum style. 2. You want to scratch that stranger’s face who asks (in fake-concerned voice), “What is wrong with her?” 3. You want to double-scratch the face of that flat-stomached, fresh-out-of-the-spa, twenty-something witch who rolls her eyes. 4. You mentally go through “selling your child on a black market” options. 5. You can’t believe all of this is happening because you said “no” to her wanting to eat dog poop off the street. 6. You think to yourself “I should of just let her eat the poop.” 7. You search for matches in your pocket to burn every book that ever advised you to “just stay calm.” 8. When you pick her up so she will not get hit by an upcoming truck, you squeeze a little bit harder than child services would recommend. 9. You feel like you are losing your mind completely when twelve minutes later she simply gets up, smiles and points to a flying by seagull. 10. You come home, lock yourself in the bathroom and have a nice cry until she comes over and hugs your knees, making you…well…forget everything. Author: Ilona...

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Top 10 Reasons Why You Turning One Ruled!

Top 10 Reasons Why You Turning One Ruled!

1. Your grown up party where an amazing band played and you and me slow-danced. 2. Next morning you gave me your first real “both arms tight around my neck — I really mean it” hug. 3. Immediately after that, we quietly sat on the couch and watched cartoons for the whole fifteen minutes straight. We were simply “hanging out.” 4. You said “duck” or was it actually something else!?! 5. Your eyes became a little bit wiser. I can’t explain it, but they’re just a bit “sadder” than a week ago. 6. No more formula. You drink milk like a regular human. 7. Binky is firmly getting replaced by your blanket. 8. Two days ago I saw you TRY to pick your own nose. That’s my girl. 9. You reached for your dad’s drink. 10. After watching “baby” footage of you last night, I didn’t cry. I just thought “Man, this one year-old thing is soooo much better.” Author: Ilona...

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Top 10 Ways Your Toddler Is Similar To A Drunk

Top 10 Ways Your Toddler Is Similar To A Drunk

1. Mumbles in complete gibberish. 2. Gets louder when she doesn’t get her way. 3. Start fights if you tell her to behave. 4. Food never quite makes it to her mouth. 5. Falls over every five seconds. 6. Holds on to any poll-like structure. 7. Waves to all random strangers. 8. Pees and poops herself without any guilt. 9. Always tries to make it to your bed. 10. Has no concept of how late it is. Author: Ilona...

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Top 10 Things You Do Now That Melt My Heart

Top 10 Things You Do Now That Melt My Heart

1. Attachment to my leg no matter where I am standing. 2. Your little silly dance when ice cream truck passes by. 3. The look of mischief on your face as you destroy something of value. 4. Shut lip cry when you don’t want to eat anymore. 5. Conversations with Baby Einstein puppets on TV. 6. First hug in the morning.< 7. Your naked butt crawling away as I am trying to change your diaper. 8. Sleepy, continuous eye rub right before your bed time. 9. Your warm, sweet smelling hands playing with my necklace. 10. The way your lips smack around when you sleep. Author: Ilona...

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Top 10 Things I’ve Learned About Toddlerhood So Far

Top 10 Things I’ve Learned About Toddlerhood So Far

1. “The Dog Whisperer” should be referenced often, especially the part about being the “pack leader.” 2. Keep things educational. Instead of saying “Don’t lick the door,” say “Don’t lick that RED door that is shaped like a rectangle.” 3. Don’t worry about milestones. Very few adults still wear pampers and suck on their thumbs. 4. Leave negotiating for the movies with bad plots. To get results, see #1. 5. Stop taking 5000 pictures of your kid. Put your camera down for a moment. Capture the moment in your mind: the way she smells, the light in her eyes, the pure goodness of it all. That is the place you will go to when you are 100 years old and peacefully dying in your sleep. 6. Remember how good it felt when your parents said “Good job. I am proud of you?” Yeah…me neither. So, do it for your kid and do it often. 7. Be really good to her nanny, her daycare, her neighbors. They all have a part in not making her a serial killer one day. 8. Create a world with your kid that is purely yours, the language that only two of you speak, the story that you imagined together. That is her real comfort blanket. 9. Stop worrying about crayon marks on your wall, cheerios all over the floor and poop in your hair. One day you will nostalgically smile thinking of all those things. 10. Be just a little bit silly. After all, you just got a green light to relive your childhood. Author: Ilona...

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When Mommy’s Little Girl Only Wants Daddy

There was a time when my two year-old only wanted me. I was her sun, moon and stars as I should be…I’m the one who went through labor and delivery for crying out loud! And while I did find it a tad irritating to hear her cry when I had to pee or moved momentarily out of view, I was generally overjoyed with the attention. I knew my daughter loved me always, but being adored by her in that way was intoxicating as a first time mom. I had never experienced anything quite like it before. And then, one day, the “Daddy” switch turned on. I still can’t figure out exactly what triggered it, but all of a sudden she wanted to be where ever he was…constantly. Just like she used to be with me. And though I had heard stories of this happening, though I told myself that she loves me just the same, and it was only a phase, and despite all my rationalizations, it still stung. I felt a lump in my throat and a turn in my stomach at the thought of being rejected in the moment for Daddy. Of course I want my daughter to be close with him, to love and adore him and look up to him, and of course I want her to spend time with him. And still, the sting continued to throb. So what does that make me exactly? Am I selfish for feeling this pang of angst? Is this just some biological maternal instinct kicking in? Or is this just the first small sign of her individualizing and slowly separating from me for the rest of her life, until she moves out on her own and thinks my calls are intrusive? (And by the way, sorry to my mom — I officially get it now!) Deep down, I am aware that I’m getting ahead of myself here. However, it doesn’t make the momentary hurt hurt any less. I know I’ll just have to get used to it, and come around to the idea that this is all part of “The Process.” That one day after a couple of decades together and countless hugs and giggles and special moments, my little girl will be all grown up and want her own life. I know I did — I know how this goes. Nonetheless, I look forward to hearing my name a...

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