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Stuck, But Empowered

As I sit on the subway on the way to work this morning, I find myself reflecting on my job. In this economic climate, I know I should be grateful that I have one — I get that. And I am grateful, to the extent that it means meeting my financial obligations and contributing to the family pot. 

But I’m not proud of this money. Now, saying that out loud (or in writing) is not easy for me. After all, money’s just money right? It’s all green, as they say? The problem is, this money isn’t just green for me. It represents time away from my family in a job that, quite honestly, I would have probably passed on had I known a little more about it when I started. 

Yes, I know — hindsight is 20/20. And that’s great, but what do I do now? I can’t change the economy, and I can’t change my financial responsibilities to my family at the moment. So I’m not sure what to do. This has always been my problem really, the next step. It feels like this mythical place I just can’t get to. I’m not trying to throw a pity party here. I’ve complained enough about this situation to know it needs to be changed. The singular act of complaining has not yet transformed my predicament into a better situation (surprising, right?!). 

So, here I am, on my way to yet another day at a job, and a situation that doesn’t quite fit. Why? Because this situation serves everyone else’s needs but mine. I’m learning more and more how important balance is in every aspect of my life — especially as a mom. The balance is off here, and it’s up to me to fix it. No magic, perfect situation is going to fall into my lap. I’ve got to seek out opportunity and give it a chance to return the favor. As hard as it is to take on yet one more thing, this is my life, and everyday I spend out of balance is a day of wasted fulfillment. Each day is my life, and it’s time to put my needs back into it.

Author: Amy

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